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| Lydia |
How to sum up four years of immense progress, challenge, change, and growth? How to sort through the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts that come with being a soon-to-be graduate? Writing has always been my primary way to process my emotions and thoughts, but writing this reflection has been difficult. In a sense it is my farewell, my goodbye for now. It is an acknowledgement that I am moving forward and will be seeing new sights, challenges, and growth beyond what I know, and that is simultaneously frightening and thrilling.
As I searched for what I wanted to do for college, I felt completely lost. I knew I loved music, but I did not want to pursue music education or performance, and those were the only paths I knew at the time. When I told my sister my dilemma, she asked me “well, what do you want to do in your career?” and without hesitation or thought I answered, “I want to help people”. It astounded me how swiftly and easily that slipped out, but it resonated so deeply with me. My high school piano teacher encouraged me to look up music therapy because another one of his students was looking into it. As I searched music therapy, the first thing I found posed the two questions that hooked me for the next four years, “do you love music? Do you love helping others?” and I cried out of relief and a feeling of belonging and peace. That is how it has been ever since, I have found my passion, and the more I learn about it the bigger it grows. I am so grateful for music therapy. I have written about this in every reflection paper I have had for my practicum sites, even when they were the hardest semesters of college. I think that is such a blessing to have a passion that is so filling even when things are difficult, to feel fulfilled even when things feel like they are collapsing. While I was unsure about trusting the process and believing in myself, I can confidently say that I never doubted whether I was supposed to be in music therapy. I am grateful for this constant in my life.
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| Studying for Music Theory Exam |
My journey through the program has been unconventional if anything. COVID forced us to make alterations about how we did classes. This was particularly hard because sophomore year in the music therapy program contains some of the core developmental classes in music therapy. We had to move music class to online, obtain clinical experiences through Telehealth sessions, and complete online and video proficiencies! It was a very challenging year, but I know now that I am all the better for it. My music therapy courses have always been a big source of enjoyment in my undergrad. I felt so invigorated every time we would discuss new clinical scenarios, settings, research, clinical musicianship, and completed clinical experiences. Particularly, I loved the clinical improvisation class. I always knew I had an interest in improvisation because of my background, but I also resonated with making music in the moment to help others with their process and journey. I found that class so enlightening and like I was coming more into my own as a future music therapist. That class was instrumental (haha) to my growth for exploring my feelings and identity through improvisation based journal prompts and what I would want to do in the future as a music therapist.
I have to note that I would not be the person I am today without Maddie. We have been together since the start of our program and our bond over music therapy and as friends has been instrumental in my growth and development. We have a great dynamic of being similar, we have always complemented each other so well. In fact, we joke that whatever skills one of us struggles with, the other is better at, which is immensely helpful on an academic and personal level. She is my "Music Therapy Life Partner" (MTLP). We have been through so many challenges and exciting opportunities together like online classes, Telehealth sessions, changing environments, musically, academically, and personally. I couldn’t imagine a better person with whom to experience this wonderful program. We had numerous conversations as freshmen talking about how we aspired to be in our program, the community we wanted to foster, how we would be in the future, and notably, how we felt that we were going to do great things together. I still believe that and I always will. I also believe our paths will always intersect and I am so thrilled to see where we will go. We have blossomed and grown together, and that is an experience I will never take for granted.
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| Lydia and Maddie following their Senior Project Presentations April 2023 |
I think I felt particularly upset with these ideas after COVID hit. How could any of it feel like it was meant to happen when everything seemed so hopeless? The things I had come to expect for college were suddenly not feasible, the experience I had hoped for was now rapidly changing. On top of all that, I felt like I was falling apart, like I couldn’t do the schoolwork for which I had signed up.
I had to become very flexible with how I did my work and the expectations I had for my college experience. It was a big adjustment and there are still many things I still need to process about that experience, but I think that can be said for so many other people too. However, through COVID I found I was still able to build strong relationships with everyone within the Department of Music and Theatre and we really began to foster a strong sense of community and belonging. That community and relationships really supported me through my sophomore year. So, while I felt like I could not trust this “process” or “Providence”, I felt I could trust my community and friends.
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| Having fun in student lounge of Conserv |
Things began to change for me at the end of my junior year. We were having our first concert unmasked in the Church of the Immaculate Conception (which was a huge deal for the whole department!!!). This concert was not something I experienced my freshmen year. It was the first time I ever experienced a Spring Choral Concert in the Church. This kind of concert was the kind I would always hear the seniors talk about; it was their last concert, a beautiful way to say goodbye to the department. I never got to see or experience that, so it was very special to me. The theme of the concert was centered around being able to make music together and how essential music is in connecting us to one another. In one of our Madrigals' pieces we sang a song titled “Believe” and in it, we stated what we believed. Mine was, “I believe in Providence, that I will always be on the right path, even when I feel lost”. When I was writing that belief, it was not a conscious thought, it just flowed from me. This piece was my first step in thinking more about what Providence meant. This concert made me feel what Providence meant. I could start to more easily see how things were lining up for my future.
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| After Homecoming Concert - fall 2019 |
Towards the end of my junior year, I started noticing how much calmer I felt about the challenges ahead of me. I was no longer worried if I would come out of the program, how well I was doing, how proficiencies would turn out, what exactly my senior project would be, where my internship was, and where I would be in a year. I felt at peace with not knowing exactly what would happen; I felt it would all work out. This is a rare feeling for me because I often worry about so many of these facets. But I acknowledge that this peace was felt through Providence. I brought this same mindset into my senior year.
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| After Christmas Choral Concert fall 2021 |
My journal from August 23, 2022: The night before classes started:
“I find myself being very introspective and reflective tonight. It's only begun to hit me that this is my last year at the Woods. Well, I know I’ll be back, I’ll always come back. But this is the last time that I will know everything as it is, I know things are going to change, and all for the better. But I can feel myself wanting to do what all people do when they feel the inevitable force of change on the horizon, like running. But at the same time, I’m thrilled at the opportunities and possibilities ahead. And for the first time, I don’t feel scared…” After reflecting on the challenges I faced and recounting how scared I felt coming into each year, I wrote the following.“But here I am, the night before my first day of my senior year. And for the first time, I don’t feel scared. I feel accepting. Accepting of the fact that I can’t tell the future, but still having the faith that Providence will provide with the right path. Even though I don’t know where my internship is, or where I am going, what my exact interest is for internship, or how I will pay for anything, I accept that I will figure it out because of Providence. I never understood Providence when I was a freshman. It seemed so elusive and ambiguous and far away. But I realize now that it has always been standing behind me, gently pushing me down the path that I was always meant to go down. And there guiding me, it will always be.”
Providence was that draw I felt to the Woods, the connection I have always felt to the Music and Theatre Department, the friendships I made and the people I met, the opportunity to sing in the Church again, the inspiration I feel when I make music. It was all Providence, I just didn’t realize it at the time.
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| Choral Concert fall 2019 |
I want to thank my family for always supporting me as I have gone and grown at the Woods. I also want to express my gratitude for the friendships I have made, namely Ethan and Maddie, who have been there for me. Thank you to the faculty and staff who have taught me. Dr. Mac, Ron, and especially Michael and Sharon have left an immense impact on me as a student, musician, and person. I came to this program because they were here and I am grateful for every opportunity I had to learn from them. Thank you all for your love, support, and guidance through my time here. I appreciate all I have learned and experienced and will work to impact the world, proudly, as a Woods music therapy alum.
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| Lydia sitting on Conservatory foyer steps |
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